500 Valentine Cards: A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.—
Dictionary of Dating: Having trouble dating? Perhaps you don’t have a good understanding of how things work. Use this glossary to get a better handle on your love life! — DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future. — EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.
Is It Love, Lust or Marriage: LOVE- when your eyes meet across a crowded room — LUST- when your tongues meet across a crowded room — MARRIAGE- when your belt won’t meet around your waist, and you don’t care —
Holiday Humor: Lists of Rules for Him & Her -1. The Female always makes The Rules. 2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. 3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules. —- 1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down. 2. Don’t cut your hair. Ever. 3. Don’t make us guess.
Holiday Humor – Marriage Is… – A best man’s speech should be like a mini-skirt: short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover the bare essentials. — A classified ad which read “Wife Wanted” received hundreds of responses, all from men saying “You can have mine.” — A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.
The following sentiments will never be found on a Hallmark card: “Looking back over the years that we’ve been together,
I can’t help but wonder:… What was I thinking?” — “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life…. I never believed in Hell until I met you.” —
Things Not To Say On Your Valentine’s Date: 1. I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired. — 2. People say I remind them of Urkel. — 3. I used to come here all the time with my ex. — 4. I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.—
Women vs. Men: Some of the more humorous differences between men and women — A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need. — A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
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