Hillbilly Humor: Slanted News

Slanted News: Two boys are playing football in the Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, breaking the dog’s neck.

Hillbilly Humor: Computer Technology

This here is our technology dictionary. Now, if these get to compilated, ya might need to rest yur brain a bit. Maybe drink a beer and watch some NASCAR. BACKUP – What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods. BAR CODE – Them’s the fight’n rules down at the local tavern.

Holiday Humor: 12 Days After Christmas

The first day after Christmas, My true love and I had a fight. And so I chopped the pear tree down. And burnt it, just for spite, Then with a single cartridge, I shot that blasted partridge. My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

Holiday Humor: Twenty Ways to Confuse Santa

Twenty Ways to Confuse Santa: 1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

Hillbilly Humor: Bubba Claus

To: Southern USA Residents From: Santa

I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209.

Holiday Humor: Fruitcake Recipe

INGREDIENTS: 1 C Water — 1 C Sugar — 4 Large eggs — 3 C Dried fruit — 1 tsp. Baking soda — 1 tsp. Salt — 1 C Brown sugar — Lemon juice — Nuts — 1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey DIRECTIONS: 1. Sample the whiskey to check for quality. 2. Take out a large bowl.

Holiday Humor: Holiday Dieting Tips

Amusing tips for keeping the weight off during the holidays: 1 – If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. — 2 – If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out. — 3 – When eating with someone else, calories don’t count if you both eat the same amount.