Dictionary of Dating: Having trouble dating? Perhaps you don’t have a good understanding of how things work. Use this glossary to get a better handle on your love life! — DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future. — EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.
INGREDIENTS: 1 C Water — 1 C Sugar — 4 Large eggs — 3 C Dried fruit — 1 tsp. Baking soda — 1 tsp. Salt — 1 C Brown sugar — Lemon juice — Nuts — 1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey DIRECTIONS: 1. Sample the whiskey to check for quality. 2. Take out a large bowl.
This is a collection of short pieces about history written by eighth graders and compiled by Bill Lawrence, a teacher and columnist. – “The Pilgrams were a bunch of English wonderers who wanted to worship as they wanted to. They excaped the Church of England and came over here because they heard that American churches were different. The May Flower was the ship with which they came in. It didn’t have a bathroom on board so there was quite an oder. Priscilla Mullins was the captain.”
Amusing tips for keeping the weight off during the holidays: 1 – If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. — 2 – If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out. — 3 – When eating with someone else, calories don’t count if you both eat the same amount.
Is It Love, Lust or Marriage: LOVE- when your eyes meet across a crowded room — LUST- when your tongues meet across a crowded room — MARRIAGE- when your belt won’t meet around your waist, and you don’t care —
Holiday Humor: Lists of Rules for Him & Her -1. The Female always makes The Rules. 2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. 3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules. —- 1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down. 2. Don’t cut your hair. Ever. 3. Don’t make us guess.
Holiday Humor – Marriage Is… – A best man’s speech should be like a mini-skirt: short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover the bare essentials. — A classified ad which read “Wife Wanted” received hundreds of responses, all from men saying “You can have mine.” — A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.
In honor of Mother’s Day, here is a little something to make you laugh. These are those little sayings that are passed down from Mother to Child then are magically are said again when that Child becomes a Mother! — A little "birdy" told me! — A little soap & water never killed anybody. — Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident. — Am I talking to a brick wall?
The following sentiments will never be found on a Hallmark card: “Looking back over the years that we’ve been together,
I can’t help but wonder:… What was I thinking?” — “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life…. I never believed in Hell until I met you.” —
1. As a blunt object to fend off your pesky cousins with. 2. As a projectile to throw at the TV after Kathie Lee says, “Aren’t they a wonderful band!” for the 25th time. 3. As a hood ornament. 4. As a disguise so your ugly Aunt Beatrice can’t kiss you and say, “How much you’ve grown!” 5. As a football for the after-meal game.
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