May not be sure there is a god, but is damn sure of the infallibility of the pope;

Won't eat meat on Friday, but will drink gin for breakfast;

Believes everything he can't see and nothing he can;

Is very good at weekends, but not very good at the middle of the week;

Has such great respect for the truth, he uses it in emergencies;

Is irrational in important things, and a tower of strength in the trivial;

Gets married for life, but not necessarily for love;

Can argue either side of question, often at the same time;

Sees things not as they are, but as they never will be;

Believes in leprechauns and banshees and considers anyone who doesn't to be a heathen;

Cries at sad movies, but cheers in battle;

Considers funerals a festivity but weddings sad events
to be put off as long as possible, preferably forever;

Hates the English but reserves his cruelty for his countrymen;

Gets more Irish the farther he gets from Ireland;

Is not afraid of dying, in fact he might prefer it;

Believes that God is Irish or at least, Catholic;

Is against corruption, unless its a Democrat;

Take the pledge not to drink at the age of twelve, and every four years thereafter;

Believes to forgive is divine, therefore doesn't exercise it himself;

Believes salvation can be achieved, by means of a weekly envelope;

Considers anyone who won't come around to his point of view to be hopelessly stubborn;

Loves religion for its own sake, but also because it makes it so damn inconvenient for his neighbors;

Considers a bore to be someone who keeps constantly interrupting;

Scorns money, but worships those who have it;

Considers any Irishman who achieves success to be a traitor;

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