Mental Illness: What to say and not to say to a loved one
This is the third post in a four part series and the response continues to be positive. I hope that I’m able to touch someone’s life in a helpful way. Next week I will speak about my own story and experiences with family members.
Figuring out what to say to someone with ANY disease is difficult. Some diseases are even harder. Say the wrong thing and you can hurt someone you care without meaning to. The fact that you are taking the time to research how to deal with a loved one’s mental illness says a great deal about you.
When speaking with a mentally ill person about their illness, be honest, look them in the eye and relax. Minimize distractions if at all possible. Try to use “I statements” instead of “You statements”. Ask questions, and if you don’t understand, ask for clarification. Try to listen without defending and speak without offending.
There are a number of statements that are ignorant, careless and just plain cruel. I’ve narrowed the list to ten of the most common. After the negative list is a positive list.
If in doubt about what to say, try this: “How are you today?’ The bottom line is RESPECT.
- Mental Illness: Supporting A Loved One With a Mental Illness
- Mental Illness: The Role of the Caretaker
- Mental Illness: What to say AND not to say to a loved one
- Mental Illness: How My Family Helps
WHAT NOT TO SAY:
- It’s all in your head.
- If you’d stop thinking about it all the time, you’d get better.
- Everyone gets down sometime.
- You don’t feel good? Me neither.
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
- You just like all the attention you’re getting.
- Nobody ever said life was fair.
- The Lord doesn’t give us more than we can handle.
- Why can’t you be normal?
- You are such an embarrassment.
Below are list of things that most people, in any situation would be ok with hearing. Remember though that anything you say depends on the level of your relationship. Please don’t offer to hug a stranger!
WHAT TO SAY:
- I’m here for you. You are not alone.
- I’m sorry this is happening.
- What can I do to help?
- You are important to me.
- I accept you as you are.
- If you would like to talk…
- I am not afraid of you or your mental illness.
- Would you like a hug?
- I may not understand what you are feeling but you have my sympathy.
- I love you. (only if you mean it!)
Good communication in any situation requires work. Say what you need to with love, respect, and understanding to develop a relationship based on trust.DISCLAIMER: This is a personal blog. This blog contains opinions and experiences. We are not doctors. If you feel you need help, please seek a professional. Please view our complete Disclaimer.