1. As a blunt object to fend off your pesky cousins with. 2. As a projectile to throw at the TV after Kathie Lee says, “Aren’t they a wonderful band!” for the 25th time. 3. As a hood ornament. 4. As a disguise so your ugly Aunt Beatrice can’t kiss you and say, “How much you’ve grown!” 5. As a football for the after-meal game.
Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F.The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder. During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.
Thanksgiving Cookbook by Mrs. Geraghty’s Kindergarten Class – NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Ivette – Banana Pie: You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.
A Smart Hillbilly: “Hello, is this the FBI?” “Yes. What do you want?” “I’m calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
A Redneck Shooting
At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.
“Well,” Bubba began, “We wuz havin’ a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, ‘Hey, ya fellows wanna go hunting?'”
Hillbilly Comments Overheard…
Exclamations: “Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!” “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.”
Threats: “I’ll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle.” “This’ll jar your preserves.”
In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. “Whoa there,” said the doctor.
Pa Won’t Like it
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey Billy Bob, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon up later.” “That’s mighty nice of you,” Billy Bob answered, “but I don’t think my Pa would like me to.”
You know you’re a Hillbilly when…
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
Jack Daniel’s makes your list of “Most Admired People.”
The Redneck Oil Change Checklist-1. Go to O’Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree. 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O’Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard. 3. Open a beer and drink it.
Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a _________.” Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer.
When it comes to the pig, I can admit to being a big fan. Bacon, sausage, and ham are just a few of my favorite food groups *wink*. In my opinion, you can never have too many ham recipes. This packs a big punch for such a small recipe.
This became one of my favorite ways to serve ham with the very first bite. Although I prefer a large ham for Christmas and Easter, it makes for a nice Sunday dinner without the fuss.