We think you'll find this listing of 'real' product label warning & instructions quite humorous!
Either the product makers think we're all stupid or they think we've all got a lawyer on speed dial!

1. On a lawnmower "WARNING WHEN MOTOR IS RUNNING- THE BLADE IS TURNING!"
   
   
2. Blanket from Taiwan: "Not to be Used as Protection from Tornadoes"
   
   
3. Instructions on bottom of frozen pizza: "DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN!"
   
   
4. Korean kitchen knife: "Keep Out of Children"
   
   
5. Warning on a curling iron: "Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orific".
   
   
6. Packet of nuts: "Open package and eat nuts."
   
   
7. Seen on the bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle: "Do not open here."
   
   
8. On an Iron: "Warning: Never iron clothes while on body"
   
   
9. Can of spray paint: "Do not spray in your face."
   
   
10. Bottle of Insect Spray: "Never tested on Animals!"
    
    
11. Bathtub cleaner: "For best results, start with clean bathtub before use."
    
    
12. Nytol sleep aid: "Warning: may cause drowsiness"
    
    
13. Lighter fluid: "WARNING: Contents flammable!"
    
    
14. Child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
    
    
15. On a bottle of hand lotion: "Warning: Starts healing skin on contact."
    
    
16. Cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place"
    
    
17. On a box of household nails: "CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!"
    
    
18. Shampoo Bottle for Dogs: "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish."
    
    
19. Microwave popcorn is packaged so that the directions cannot be read unless you open the plastic and unfold it.
        Direction #1 is "Remove plastic."
    
    
20. Curling Iron: "Warning: This product can burn eyes."
    
    
21. On a tv commercial that says it cleans dentures 4 times better. Below in small print it said "Lab test: (their product) vs. water.
    
    
22. Midol PMS Relief: "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems."
    
    
23. Blow dryer: "DO NOT BLOW DRY IN SLEEP"
    
    
24. Package of Dice: "Not for human consumption."
    
    
25. Seen on the back of a drink bottle label: "Do not peel label off."
    
    
26. Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle: "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death."
    
    
27. On a Band-Aid box: "For serious injuries, seek medical attention."
    
    
28. Box of Bottle-Rockets: "Do not put in mouth."
    
    
29. On a can of powdered infant formula: "Mix with water before serving."
    
    
30. T.V. Remote Control: "Not dishwasher safe."
    
    
31. Woolite carpet cleaner: "Safe for carpets, too!"
    
    
32. BOTTOM of a box of glass ornaments: "Do not turn upside down."
    
    
    
33. On a box of Frosted Cheerio's, the logo, "Tastes so good this box never closes," is located just underneath another announcement:
        "To close: place tab here."
    
    
34. On a plastic orange juice can: "100% pure all-natural fresh-squeezed orange juice from concentrate."
    
    
35. Contest on a candy bar wrapper: "No purchase necessary - Details Inside."
    
    
36. Directions for eating Lunchables Nachos: Dip chips in cheese and salsa.
    
    
37. Golf carts: "Not for highway use."
    
    
38. Clorox Fresh Care: "Safe to use in households with pets Warning: Fresh Care is NOT intended to be sprayed directly on pets."
    
    
39. On the back of the Pilots seat on NATO AWAC Aircraft (E-3A): "Seat must be facing forward for take off and landing."
    
    
40. Children's cough medicine "Caution: May cause drowsiness; do not drive or operate heavy machinery"
    
    
41. Sterno: "Do not use near fire or flame." 
    
    
42. Container of salt: "Warning: High in sodium"
    
    
43. Computer instructions: "Visit our site for further instructions. http://www.pc.com/pc/instructions.htm"
    
    
44. Hose nozzle: "Do not spray into electrical outlet."
    
    
45. Laundrymat Washer: "Warning: Do not put any person in this washer."
    
    
46. Stroller: "Remove child before folding.
    
    
47. Liquid Plummer: "Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages."
    
    
48. Windex: "Do not spray in eyes."
    
    
49. Bowl Fresh: "Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet."
    
    
50. Toilet Plunger: "Caution: Do not use near power lines."
    
    
51. Dremel Electric Rotary Tool: "This product not intended for use as a dental drill."
    
    
52. Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter: "Safe to use around pets."
    
    
53. Endust Duster: "This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances."
    
    
54. Baby Oil: "Keep out of reach of children."
    
    
55. Little Ones Baby Lotion: "Keep away from children."
    
    
56. Wet-Nap: "Directions: Tear open packet and use."
    
    
57. Dial Soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
    
    
58. Stridex Foaming Face Wash: "May contain foam."
    
    
59. Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant: "Use only on underarms."
    
    
60. Zantac 75: "Do not take if allergic to zantac."
    
    
61. Christmas Lights: "Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only."
    
    
62. Bic Lighter: "Ignite lighter away from face."
    
    
63. Komatsu Floodlight: "This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark."
    
    
64. These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe
    
    
65. Matches: "Caution: Contents may catch fire."
    
    
66. Pepper Spray: "Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes."
    
    
67. Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor: "Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition."
    
    
68. Fix-a-Flat: "WARNING: Do not weld can to rim."
    
    
69. Rain Gauge: "Suitable for outdoor use."
    
    
70. Pine Mountain Fire Logs: "Caution: Risk of fire."
    
    
71. Triops Fish Food: "Warning: Not for human consumption."
    
    
72. Home Depot Treated Lumber: "Do not consume."
    
    
73. Road Sign: "Caution water on road during rain."
    
    
74. Camera: "This camera will only work when film is inside."
    
    
75. Road Sign: "Cemetery Road. Dead End."
    
    
76. Silk Soy Milk: "Shake well and buy often."
    
    
77. Air Conditioner: "Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows."
    
    
78. Rowenta Iron: "Warning: Never iron clothes on the body."
    
    
79. Slush Puppy Cup: "This ice may be cold."
    
    
80. Nabisco Easy Cheese: "For best results, remove cap."
    
    
81. Swanson TV Dinners: "This product must be cooked before eating."
    
    
82. Hershey's Almond Bar: "Warning: May contain traces of nuts."
    
    
83. Heinz Ketchup: "Instructions: Put on food."
    
    
84. 500-piece puzzle: "Some assembly required."
    
    
85. Beach Ball: "CAUTION: It is not a life saving device."
    
    
86. Chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with hands."
    
    
87. Swann frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
    
    
88. Hotel provided shower cap in a box: "Fits one head. "
    
    
89. Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
    
    
90. Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
    
    
91. Korean kitchen knife: "Warning keep out of children."
    
    
92. Helmet mounted mirror used by us cyclists: "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you."
    
    
93. New Zealand insect spray: "This product not tested on animals."
    
    
94. Package of Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges: "Not meant as substitute for human companionship."
    
    
95. Disposable razor: "Do not use this product during an earthquake."
    
    
96. Hand-held Massaging Device: "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious."
    
    
97. Case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket: "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment."
    
    
98. A toilet at a public sports facility: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."
    
    
99. Pair of shin guards made for bicyclists: "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover."
    
    
100. Container of Underarm Deodorant: "Caution: Do not spray in eyes."
     
     
101. Aim-n-Flame fireplace lighter: "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks."
     
     
102. Toner cartridge for a laser printer: "Do not eat toner."
     
     
103. 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow: "Not intended for highway use."
     
     
104. Can of self-defense pepper spray: "May irritate eyes."
     
     
105. Novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock": "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth."
     
     
106. A frisbee: "Warning: May contain small parts."
     
     
107. A toilet bowl cleaning brush: "Do not use orally."
     
     
108. A birthday card for a 1 year old: "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less."
     
     
109. Heated seat cushion: "Warning: Do not use on eyes."
     
     
110. Electric Cattle Prod: "For use on animals only."
     
     
111. Can of air freshener: "For use by trained personnel only."
     
     
112. Silly Putty: "Do not use as ear plugs."
     
     
113. Knife sharpening stone: "Warning: knives are sharp!"
     
     
114. Rat Poison: "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice."
     
     
115. Dashboard of a mail truck: "Look before driving."
     
     
116. Sign at a railroad station: "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted."
     
     
117. Bottled Drink: "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth."
     
     
118. Manual for an SGI computer: "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers."
     
     
119. Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle: "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death."
     
     
120. Electric Thermometer: "Do not use orally after using rectally."
     
     
121. 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame: "Not to be used as a personal flotation device."
     
     
122. Box of bottle rockets: "Do not put in mouth."
     
     
123. Wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack: "Remove plastic before eating."
     
     
124. Box for a car jack: "For lifting purposes only."
     
     
125. Small print from car commercial which shows a car in the ocean: "Do not drive cars in ocean."
     
     
126. Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert: "Always drive on roads. Not on people."
     
     
127. Bus Stop: "No stopping or standing."
     
     
128. Church Sign: "These rows reserved for parents with children."
     
     
129. Credit card statement: "Payment is due by the due date."
     
     
130. Can of black pepper: "Instructions: usage known."
     
     
131. Espresso Kettle: "The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position."
     
     
132. T.V. manual: "Do not pour liquids into your television set."
     
     
133. Label on a hammer: "Caution - Do not use this hammer to strike any solid object."
     
     
134. VCR box: "Instructional video on hooking up VCR included."
     
     
135. Toilet brush: "Do not use for personal hygiene."
     
     
136. Black rubber fishing worm: "Not for human consumption."
     
     

137. Depend Adult Diapers: "Step into underwear and pull them on just like regular underwear."
     

138. Furniture Wipes: "Do not use for a baby wipe."
     

139. Stickers to put on the seat of a potty training toilet: "This is not a toy. Stickers require adult supervision.'
     

140. Bottle of bathtub cleaner: "For best results, start with clean bathtub before use."