Holiday Humor: Synthetic Diamond

An Irishman, by the name of O’Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick’s Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn’t real.

The young lass on learning it wasn’t real returned to her future husband…

Holiday Humor: Momisms

In honor of Mother’s Day, here is a little something to make you laugh. These are those little sayings that are passed down from Mother to Child then are magically are said again when that Child becomes a Mother! — A little "birdy" told me! — A little soap & water never killed anybody. — Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident. — Am I talking to a brick wall?

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Holiday Humor: Presidential Quotes

Enjoy some amusing quotes from presidents of the United States: “What a waste it is to lose one’s mind-or not to have a mind. How true that is.” -Dan Quayle addressing the United Negro College Fund —

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Holiday Humor: Things Not To Say On Your Valentine’s Date

Things Not To Say On Your Valentine’s Date: 1. I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired. — 2. People say I remind them of Urkel. — 3. I used to come here all the time with my ex. — 4. I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.—

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Holiday Humor: 500 Valentine Cards

500 Valentine Cards: A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.—

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Holiday Humor: Lists of Rules for Him & Her

Holiday Humor: Lists of Rules for Him & Her -1. The Female always makes The Rules. 2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. 3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules. —- 1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down. 2. Don’t cut your hair. Ever. 3. Don’t make us guess.

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Holiday Humor: Marriage Is…

Holiday Humor – Marriage Is… – A best man’s speech should be like a mini-skirt: short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover the bare essentials. — A classified ad which read “Wife Wanted” received hundreds of responses, all from men saying “You can have mine.” — A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.

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Holiday Humor: Women vs. Men

Women vs. Men: Some of the more humorous differences between men and women — A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need. — A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

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Holiday Humor: Dictionary of Dating

Dictionary of Dating: Having trouble dating? Perhaps you don’t have a good understanding of how things work. Use this glossary to get a better handle on your love life! — DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future. — EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.

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Holiday Humor: Not A Hallmark Card

The following sentiments will never be found on a Hallmark card: “Looking back over the years that we’ve been together,
I can’t help but wonder:… What was I thinking?” — “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life…. I never believed in Hell until I met you.” —

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Holiday Humor: 12 Days After Christmas

The first day after Christmas, My true love and I had a fight. And so I chopped the pear tree down. And burnt it, just for spite, Then with a single cartridge, I shot that blasted partridge. My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.