This here is our technology dictionary. Now, if these get to compilated, ya might need to rest yur brain a bit. Maybe drink a beer and watch some NASCAR. BACKUP – What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods. BAR CODE – Them’s the fight’n rules down at the local tavern.
To: Southern USA Residents From: Santa
I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209.
Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing and they don’t catch anything.
40 Things You Won’t Hear A Redneck Say – 1. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only sixteen. 2. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 3. Duct tape won’t fix that. 4. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan. >
Bubba’s Sales Pitch: Bubba`s first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.
Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99% sign up for the top GI insurance.
A Hillbilly family visiting the city…
A Hillbilly family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had their share of memorable calls — inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they’re heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites; plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. Its hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck
A Smart Hillbilly: “Hello, is this the FBI?” “Yes. What do you want?” “I’m calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
A Redneck Shooting
At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.
“Well,” Bubba began, “We wuz havin’ a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, ‘Hey, ya fellows wanna go hunting?'”
Hillbilly Comments Overheard…
Exclamations: “Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!” “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.”
Threats: “I’ll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle.” “This’ll jar your preserves.”
In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. “Whoa there,” said the doctor.
Pa Won’t Like it
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey Billy Bob, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon up later.” “That’s mighty nice of you,” Billy Bob answered, “but I don’t think my Pa would like me to.”