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May 13, 2012 | Mother's Day

Holiday Humor: Momisms

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Huddlenet Holiday Humor: Mother's DayIn honor of Mother’s Day, here is a little something to make you laugh. These are those little sayings that are passed down from Mother to Child then are magically are said again when that Child becomes a Mother!

  • Answer me when I ask you a question!
  • Are you deaf or something?
  • Are you going out dressed like that?
  • Are you lying to me?
  • Are your hands broken? Pick it up yourself! I’m not your maid!
  • As long as you live under my roof, you’ll do as I say.
  • Beds are NOT made for jumping on.
  • Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.
  • Call me when you get there, just so I know you’re okay.
  • Clean up after yourself!
  • Close the door! You weren’t born in a barn!
  • Cupcakes are NOT a breakfast food!
  • Did you brush your teeth?
  • Did you clean your room?
  • Did you comb your hair?
  • Did you flush?
  • Do as I say, not as I do.
  • Do I look like a maid?
  • Do you live to annoy me?
  • Do you think I’m made of money?
  • Do you think this is a hotel? You can’t just come here only to sleep.
  • Do you think your socks are going to pick themselves up?
  • Don’t ask me WHY. The answer is NO.
  • Don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back.
  • Don’t cross your eyes or they’ll freeze that way.
  • Don’t eat that, you’ll get worms!
  • Don’t eat the seeds or you’ll have watermelons growing out your ears
  • Don’t EVER let me catch you doing that again!
  • Don’t go out with a wet head, you’ll catch cold.
  • Don’t make me come in there!
  • Don’t make me get up!
  • Don’t pick that scab, it’ll get infected.
  • Don’t pick your nose in public.
  • Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been.
  • Don’t run in the house.
  • Don’t run with a lollipop in your mouth.
  • Don’t sit too close to the television, it’ll ruin your eyes.
  • Don’t talk with your mouth full!
  • Don’t use that tone with me!
  • Don’t walk away when I’m talking to you!
  • Don’t you have anything better to do?
  • Eat your vegetables, they’re good for you.
  • Enough is enough!
  • Go ask your father.
  • Go play outside! It’s a beautiful day!
  • Go to your room and think about what you did!
  • How can you have nothing to wear? Your closet is FULL of clothes!
  • How do you know you don’t like it if you haven’t tasted it?
  • How many times do I have to tell you?
  • I brought you into this world, and I can take you right back out!
  • I can always tell when you’re lying.
  • I can’t believe you can sleep in this filth!
  • I can’t believe you did that!
  • I didn’t ask who put it there, I said "Pick it up!"
  • I don’t buy snacks to feed the neighborhood!
  • I don’t care what "everyone" is doing. I care what YOU are doing!
  • I don’t care who started it, I said stop!
  • I don’t care who started it, YOU stop it!
  • I don’t have to explain myself. I said no.
  • I don’t know is NOT an answer.
  • I hope someday you have children just like you.
  • I hope you don’t kiss me with that mouth!
  • I just want what’s best for you.
  • I said CLOSE the door, I did not say SLAM it.
  • I would have never talked to MY mother like that!
  • If God had wanted you to have holes in your ears (eyebrows, tongue, etc.) He would have put them there!
  • If I catch you doing that one more time, I’ll…
  • If I want your opinion I’ll ask for it!
  • If it were a snake, it would have bitten you.
  • If I’ve told you once … I’ve told you a thousand times.
  • If wishes were horses…
  • If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
  • If you could stay out last night, you can get up this morning.
  • If you don’t clean your plate, you won’t get any dessert.
  • If you don’t stop crying, I am going to give you something to cry about!
  • If you stick your tongue out again it will fall off.
  • If you’re too full to finish your dinner, you’re too full for dessert.
  • If you’re too sick to go to school, you’re too sick to play outside.
  • I’ll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one.
  • I’m doing this for your own good.
  • I’m going to give you until the count of three… 1.. 2.. 2 and a half… 2 and three quarters
  • I’m going to skin you alive!
  • I’m not always going to be around to do these things for you.
  • I’m not going to ask you again.
  • I’m not running a taxi service.
  • I’m not your waitress!
  • It’s no use crying over spilt milk.
  • It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust everyone else.
  • I’ve had it up to here with you.
  • Life isn’t fair.
  • Look at me when I’m talking to you.
  • Look at this room! It looks like a pigsty!
  • Money does NOT grow on trees.
  • Never try on anyone else’s glasses or you’ll go blind.
  • No child of MINE would do something like that.
  • No, I don’t know where your socks are,its not my day to watch them!
  • Nobody asked you.
  • Now, come back downstairs and go back up WITHOUT stomping your feet!
  • Now, say you’re sorry…and MEAN it!
  • Over my dead body!
  • Pick that up before somebody trips on it and breaks their neck!
  • Pick up your feet.
  • Put that down! You don’t know where it’s been!
  • Running away? Don’t let the door hit you in the rear.
  • Running away? I’ll help you pack.
  • Running away? Is that a threat or a promise?
  • Say that again and I’ll wash your mouth out with soap.
  • Shut the door! I’m not heating (air conditioning) the entire neighborhood!
  • So it’s raining? You’re not sugar — you won’t melt.
  • Someday your face will freeze like that
  • There’s enough dirt in those ears to grow potatoes!
  • Think of those poor starving children in India… (or China, or Africa.)
  • This hurts me more than it hurts you.
  • Turn off that light. Do you think we own the electric company?
  • Turn that racket (music) down!
  • Watch your language!
  • Watch your mouth!
  • Well, I haven’t figured out how to cook "cold" yet.
  • Well, people in Hades want ice water, but do you see me with a PITCHER?
  • Well, people in Hell want ice water too!
  • Were you born in a barn? Close the door — and DON’T slam it!
  • What did I say the FIRST time?
  • What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?
  • What kind of a grade is that? You could do much better!
  • What part of NO don’t you understand?
  • When I was a little girl…
  • When I was young we had respect for our elders, now look at the world!
  • When I was your age, I had to walk ten miles through the snow, uphill, by myself, to go to school.
  • When I was your age…
  • When you have kids of your own you’ll understand.
  • When you have your own house then you can make the rules!
  • Where do YOU think you’re going?
  • Who died and left you boss?
  • Who do you think you are?
  • Who do you think you’re talking to?
  • Who said life was going to be easy?
  • Who taught you THAT? You didn’t learn that in this house!
  • Why? Because I SAID so, that’s why!
  • You are getting on my last nerve.
  • You can’t find it? Well, I can’t find it for you – I didn’t wear it!
  • You can’t find it? Well, if you’d put things where they belonged, you wouldn’t have this problem.
  • You can’t judge a book by its cover.
  • You can’t start the day on an empty stomach.
  • You don’t always get what you want.
  • You had better wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you.
  • You have an answer for everything, don’t you?
  • You just ate an hour ago!
  • You made your bed, now lie in it.
  • You must think rules are made to be broken.
  • You should have that phone surgically implanted in your ear.
  • You WILL eat it, and you WILL like it!
  • You won’t be happy until you break that, will you?
  • You’d forget your head if it wasn’t attached to your shoulders!
  • You’ll understand when you’re older.
  • You’re going to put your eye out with that thing!
  • You’re the oldest. You should know better.

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