Holiday Humor: Other Ways to Use A Thanksgiving Turkey
- As a blunt object to fend off your pesky cousins with.
- As a projectile to throw at the TV after Kathie Lee says, “Aren’t they a wonderful band!” for the 25th time.
- As a hood ornament.
- As a disguise so your ugly Aunt Beatrice can’t kiss you and say, “How much you’ve grown!”
- As a football for the after-meal game.
- One word… bowling!
- As yet another object to drop from the top of the dorm to test the range of the splatter upon impact.
- As a gift/bribe for a professor.
- As a Christmas gift (avoid the holiday crowds this way!)
- As a doorstop to keep your relatives out.
- Makes a great doggie chew toy.
- Fill it with whip cream – watch the fun.
- An unexplored cavern for the new Barbie.
- A visual aid to explain to children where babies come from.
- Bury in the yard for future midnight snacks.
- If you’re flying home, take the carcass as a carry-on. See what it looks like in the X-ray machine. Better yet, put it in a pet carrier and asked the flight attendant for some chicken feed.
- Wear as a helmet, declaring, “I’m TURKEYMAN!”
- Before serving, paste feathers on the poor naked creature.
- Secretly replace with Folgers turkey crystals.
- Place a speaker inside the bird, and from another room, amaze your guests with this talking fowl!
- Throw the turkey out the window yelling, “You’re FREE! Fly! FLY!”
- Two words: Turkey puppet.
- Toss the carcass into a turkey farm to intimidate next year’s stock.
- Attach to a fishing pole, slowly drive around the neighborhood in the back of a pickup and see how many dogs follow you.
- From a concealed location, toss in front of a passing car. When they stop, run out screaming that they hit your dog!
- As in an old murder mystery, question all the dinner guests in an attempt to discover who killed the guest of honor.
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