Holiday Humor: Not A Hallmark Card
The following sentiments will never be found on a Hallmark card…
- “Looking back over the years that we’ve been together,
I can’t help but wonder:… What was I thinking?”
- “Congratulations on your wedding day!….
Too bad no one likes your wife.”
- “How could two people as beautiful as you….
have such an ugly baby?”
- “I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love….
After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.”
- “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life….
I never believed in Hell until I met you.”
- “As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am….
that you’re not here to ruin it for me.”
- “Thanks for being a part of my life!!!….
I never knew what evil was before this!”
- “Before you go,…. I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
You’ll probably need it again.”
- “Someday I hope to get married…. but not to you.”
- “You look great for your age…. Almost Lifelike!”
- “When we were together, you always said you’d die for me….
Now that we’ve broken up, I think it’s time you kept your promise.”
- “I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend….
So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.”
- “We have been friends for a very long time….
What do you say we call it quits?”
- “I’m so miserable without you….
It’s almost like you’re here.”
- “Congratulations on your new bundle of joy….
Did you ever find out who the father was?”
- “You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket….
I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.”
- “Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday….
So we’re having you put to sleep.”
- “Your kisses are sweet, your hugs are passionate….
But compared to your sister, they’re only second rate.”
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