Holiday Humor: Not A Hallmark Card

Huddlenet Holiday Humor: Valentine's DayThe following sentiments will never be found on a Hallmark card…

  • “Looking back over the years that we’ve been together,
    I can’t help but wonder:… What was I thinking?”
  • “Congratulations on your wedding day!….
    Too bad no one likes your wife.”
  • “How could two people as beautiful as you….
    have such an ugly baby?”
  • “I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love….
    After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.”
  • “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life….
    I never believed in Hell until I met you.”
  • “As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am….
    that you’re not here to ruin it for me.”
  • “Thanks for being a part of my life!!!….
    I never knew what evil was before this!”
  • “Before you go,…. I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
    You’ll probably need it again.”
  • “Someday I hope to get married…. but not to you.”
  • “You look great for your age…. Almost Lifelike!”
  • “When we were together, you always said you’d die for me….
    Now that we’ve broken up, I think it’s time you kept your promise.”
  • “I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend….
    So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.”
  • “We have been friends for a very long time….
    What do you say we call it quits?”
  • “I’m so miserable without you….
    It’s almost like you’re here.”
  • “Congratulations on your new bundle of joy….
    Did you ever find out who the father was?”
  • “You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket….
    I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.”
  • “Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday….
    So we’re having you put to sleep.”
  • “Your kisses are sweet, your hugs are passionate….
    But compared to your sister, they’re only second rate.”

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